Pets bring us immense joy. They’re a comforting presence when we’re down and a reliable friend when we need support. But, unfortunately, there will come a time when they pass away, leaving feelings of intense grief, loss, guilt, and loneliness in their wake.
It’s a hard truth to face, but our animal companions won’t be around forever, and finding a way to heal when they pass is an essential part of a personal healing journey. Whether it comes in the form of support from loved ones, guidance from pet death doulas, or partaking in meaningful rituals, that journey can take various forms.
Acknowledging the Magnitude of Grief
You will go through a lot of emotions after the loss of a pet. Sadness, guilt, and loneliness are all common.
It’s important not to dismiss these feelings. They’re valid. They exist for a reason.
You may even blame yourself—could you have done something different? Were there signs that you missed?—and that can make you angry. It’s all part of the healing process, and the sooner you embrace those feelings, the shorter that process will be.
One of the issues with pet loss is that the grief process often mimics the loss of a friend or family member, yet some consider it to be a “lesser” process because you’re grieving an animal and not a human.
You should never underestimate the impact that pets have on our lives or the way it affects us when they’re gone. Whether it’s a parrot you’ve had for decades, a cat or dog that was with you for years, or a hamster that only lived six months, grief is grief, and no one can tell you how you should be feeling.
You’ve lost a living creature that you love. It hurts. You’re grieving, and you’ll get through that in your own way and your own time.
Finding Comfort in Rituals and Remembrance
For some, the easiest way to get over the death of a pet is to forget about them. But that’s not how you heal. You’ll push those feelings down into a dark corner of your subconscious and then find yourself suppressing the tears years from now when you see a picture of them or think of a fond memory.
Acknowledge the bond, embrace the time that you spent with them, and create a positive association.
Here are a few things that might help:
- Create a memorial space with photographs and toys
- Plant a tree in their honor
- Regularly share memories with others who loved them
- Write down your thoughts and memories
- Keep photos and videos of them in a folder and look through them regularly
These rituals maintain the bond that you have, ensure you don’t forget about them, and create a strong and healthy association. It will be hard in the beginning, and there will be a lot of tears, but it will get easier, and it’s much healthier in the long term.
The Emerging Role of the Pet Death Doula
Pet death doulas are compassionate individuals who help pet owners before, during, and after the death of an animal companion. They provide a comforting, supportive presence during these difficult times, and their role has become increasingly important as we create stronger bonds with our pets.
A pet death doula can assist with the following:
- Pre-Loss Support: Making end-of-life decisions is stressful and emotionally taxing. Not only are you preparing for a major loss, but you have to make sure your pet is safe and comfortable. A pet death doula can facilitate a peaceful environment while providing emotional support.
- Providing Comfort: Pet death doulas comfort individuals who have recently suffered a loss. They create a loving atmosphere during a difficult time and can also recommend healing resources.
- Assisting with Planning: A pet doula can help you establish rituals—memorial shrines, photos, and videos—to create meaningful ways to honor your memories.
A pet death doula can also support the individual in more spiritual matters, creating a safe space, offering comfort, and doing whatever it takes to ease the individual’s suffering.
Connecting with Others and Seeking Support
Your friends and family will support you throughout the grief process. They likely knew your pet and may feel some of the same grief while also sharing recollections.
If you’re unable to find the support you need or want individuals who are more empathetic to your experience, there are various support groups online:
- Phone numbers for local pet support groups.
- MSU Support Group—Hosted remotely and open to everyone.
- Letters to Pushkin—A place to write to your pet and read other memorial letters.
- The Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement (APLB).
- Two Hearts Pet Loss—Hosts live sessions on Facebook.
Being able to share your stories and receive sympathy and understanding is key to the recovery process.
Honoring Their Legacy: Carrying Love Forward
Your pet was special to you, but there are other special and loveable animals out there, and many of them need your help. The best way to honor your animal companion, therefore, is to donate to an animal charity in their name or volunteer at a local animal shelter.
You also won’t be doing them or their memory a disservice by getting another pet. You’ll still remember them. You won’t break the bond you have. You’re just giving another animal a home.
Conclusion: A Journey of the Heart
There is no fixed timeline for the pet grieving process. It takes as long as it needs to take. Throughout that process, you should practice self-compassion and understanding, keeping your beloved pet in your heart without feeling like you need to rush yourself or force yourself to forget.
Seek support from loved ones and pet loss communities. Write messages, create memorials, and consult a pet death doula if you need additional support.
